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Dear Auntie Laila....

I can't stand giving blow jobs, but I have never said that to a lover; for years I have dutifully kneeled. Many girlfriends feel the same. One describes it as a chore in the same way she describes defrosting the fridge. Yet, of course, she has never told her husband this.

Why is it still so hard for women, basking in the glow of so many feminist advances, to be more honest about sex? To say such simple things to their sexual partners as: "No, I didn't have an orgasm." Or, "I find it incredibly monotonous when you make love to me, and sometimes it hurts."

Why are women still so subservient to their partner's pleasure at the expense of their own? Why aren't we more in control? Because we don't want them to turn away from us, perhaps. We don't want them to find the woman who loves giving blow jobs (yes, they do exist). Because we want our partners to think we are someone else. Because sometimes we are willing to put up with a lot, to keep a relationship steady, to have children.

Is complete sexual honesty the last frontier that feminism has to tackle?

Dear Can't Stand

'Women' are not subservient to their partnet's pleasure anymore. I fear you and you friend are the last two women left in this world who feel this way. I know you've heard this before, but it really is best to tell your husband how you feel. Putting up with bad sex is not neccessary for keeping a relationship together. Ask your husband if he can't find some other way of making love, and beleive me you husband will find this the best task you have ever set him. This way instead of you making him feel bad about himself, he will feel like you have set him a task that only he can do and told him about a problem that only he can solve. Men like solving womens' problems, they also like to be able to look up sex related information without feeling guilty (and we all do it so give him a break). You'll be pleasently surprised with the results.

What will not solve you problem is writing a book and an article in the Guardian about it. This is an issue best settled between your husband and youself, it is more a communication problem than a sexual problem. So stop bleating your husbands mistakes to the whole world.

Hello. This is your Aunty Laila, with all kinds of advice for you poor dears. Tell me your problems and I'll help you solve them.